A brain went into a pub and said, “Can I have a pint of lager please?” “No way” says the barman “you are already out of your head”. Why don’t cats like shaving? Because 9 out of 10 prefer Whiskas.
Hopelessly lost, a businessman approaches a local in a village. ‘What’s the quickest way to York?’ he asks. The local scratches his head. ‘Are you walking or driving?’ ‘I’m driving’ the man replies. ‘Hmmm’ ponders the local. ‘I’d say that’s definitely the quickest way’.
BLONDE JOKES apologies to any blondes reading!)
A young brunette goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. “Impossible,” says the doctor. “Show me.” She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says,
“You’re not really a brunette, are you?”
She says, “No, I’m really a blonde”.
“I thought so,” he says. “You have a broken finger.”
RUDE JOKES(not for children!)
Did you hear about the gay magician? He vanished with a poof.
They are just five of the 182 jokes you will recieve.
These are great jokes to use on your friends down the pub, or impress your parents with over dinner!
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